Hello, Again
I feel like I’m in a rut this gaining weight pregnant thing is not cool, I’m so frustrated with all the changes my body is making. I hate that I’m gaining chub all over the place my pants no longer feel comfortable enough to wear out places and I am absolutely miserable. I had to borrow pants from my mom they were only two sizes bigger than what I normally wear but come on now I feel like a cow!!! It mostly clicks when I’m at school because all that I see running around are 18 yr old itty bitty girls and I know I will never be back to that but its so frustrating to feel like I was on the right track to being the weight i wanted to be and now im so not going to get there anytime soon. All i wANT to do is crawl in a hole and hide from the world.
On the other hand I’m signing the lease to my new place today and I’m not so sure how I feel about that John once again has called me a selfish bitch and all the other hurtful things under the sun and I unfortunately made the mistake of telling my family I hate when i do that because now that adds a bit more hate for him into the mix. I dont know what i want to do i want to work it out with him but I honestly dont know if this is the best time to try to work on us there is too much to talk about too much to go over i have so much issues with trust and being able to let go and be myself with people that it leads to a landslide of problems. I have never had a reason not to trust hi but for heavens sake i feel that sometimes he does things to try to test me like last week when he went out i cal him at 3 and ask him where he is his response…out. really what the fuck i am so annoyed with that response so over having to think about someone else and what they could be doing. maybe that is my problem maybe i need to learn to do me and have him as an accent to share my life with not feel like i have to take him into consideration for everything. I need to focus re-organize my life thats all just focus re-organize. If things dont work out with him my plan is to have angel move in i wish that that would have been the plan in the very beginning but there was a small misunderstanding.
AAAAAAAA!!!!! I AM GOING NUTS!
